Was that friendly teasing or bullying? it's very important how we view both. A friendly tease could've scarred you for years and you wouldn't even know it. It's time to re-frame that "tease" into bullying.
When you re-frame it that way, you start to heal.
Ayesha says, “I was bullied so badly, that I didn’t even realise I was being bullied. My friends said they were just teasing and I convinced myself that it was that. But those “tease” had buried deep inside my thought process and my patterns of behaviour and I didn’t realise it until recently. Only recently I came to a conclusion that I was pressuring/aspiring myself to become someone that I’m not, because of those bullies. And thank God I started healing after that. I became normal. Sometimes we don’t even know that we’re being bullied, because we believe that the person(s) is actually joking; because they claimed they were.”
I think about these words of Ayesha and it’s so impactful. Words from people close to you can ingrain deep within yourself without your own realisation. You would’ve brushed it off at that time thinking those were just “jokes” or banter. But little do you know, those banters have laid deep in your heart and is moulding you into someone that you’re not.
Bullies will always be bullies. You can’t do anything about that. But what you can do is, accept that it was not your fault. It was theirs. Put the blame on them because, they won't.
I remember some very beautiful lines from Najwa Zebian,
“you do not need the permission of
the one who hurt you to
feel the pain that they caused
you.
just because they don't acknowledge it,
it doesn't mean that
it doesn't exist."
Empaths will always find it difficult to blame others; they’d rather accept others’ opinions of them than labelling them as bullies.
What you can do about it?
When you have unsettled thoughts, find the core reason behind it. It may be a tease, joke or mock that you quite haven’t healed from yet. It may be your closest friends or family whom you regret to label as a bully. Find it and acknowledge it.
It’s not your fault. Most bullies get away with their taunts by professing that they were just joking or didn’t mean it. You’d have believed it then, but now, it’s time to bring them to hearing in your mental court and rule them as guilty.
You should start to heal now.
It’s all up to you.
And you can do it.
Another gem, from Rupi Kaur comes to my memory,
“people say things
meant to rip you in half
but you hold the power to not
turn their words into a knife
and cut yourself.”
I hope this helps you and Ayesha. Beware of a joker that’s disguised as a bully. And remember, you deserve only the best.
Tell me in the comments below, your way of coping and coming in terms with your past.
Until next post!
**all images including cover image is from pixabay.com.
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